


An Ensemble of Sweets for My Dearest

by Anonymous



Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Hogwarts, M/M, Post-Break Up, Young Albus Dumbledore, and Grindelwald is not at his peak power, past GGAD, takes place when Albus is still the transfiguration teacher
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-21
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22833937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Gellert Grindelwald sends Albus Dumbledore a basket of phallic shaped sweets during breakfast in the Great Hall.
Relationships: Albus Dumbledore/Gellert Grindelwald
Comments: 7
Kudos: 34
Collections: Anonymous





	An Ensemble of Sweets for My Dearest

During breakfast, Gellert sends Albus a phallic ensemble of confectioneries when the Hogwarts staff and students are busy eating breakfast.

Suffice to say, headmaster Dippet and not a few of the students choke on their sausages.

Albus whips around, his head turns like a third year's looking at the doors of freedom after their OWLS, when he sees a monstrosity ensemble of chocolates and huge lemon drops in the shape of Gellert Grindelwald's cock.

"Albus, should I be concerned?" Dippet looks at him bewildered with a touch of concern and a healthy dose of horror. 

“At least some of the students are too sleepy to see what has been dropped off on the table,” says Professor Merrythought. 

And to prove this point, one Ravenclaw plunks their head into the bowl of porridge with a textbook still open right beside the bowl. 

“There's always the possibility that some of the students are too young to know what this is,” the Charms professor tries to comfort. 

“Don't know? May I remind you there's confectionery shaped in the form of a man's private phallus sitting in the middle of the Hogwarts's staff breakfast table greeting one of our own everyday like the stubborn morning wood that persists to hound everyone of us of male population once we reach puberty.”

“Manners. Merlin, breakfast is too early to deal with these kinds of things. What is this obsession men have with their phallus,” says Merrythought, the Defense Against the Dark Arts professor. 

While the staff tries to get on with breakfast without appearing too curious in knowing who the mysterious admirer is Albus peers into the basket where a slip of parchment with a handwriting familiar to Albus was tucked in. 

_ Hello, Albus. Did you appreciate my gift? _

Only one person could have sent this gift. Albus conjures a quill and writes below a reply.

_ They're not as big as I'd like. Hardly a treat.’  _ write Albus and he sends back the note to the owl who looked exasperated that Albus wasn't even taking the whole package it delivered but after cajoling and bribing the owl with a half plate of bacon and fluffing and grooming its feathers with a charm so it won't look as haggard the owl relented after he gave it a sip of pepperup and off the owl flew across the ceiling of the Great Hall with a very suspicious package.

“Who was that, Albus?” Headmaster Dippet asks. 

“Just a fan of a paper I have written in the past.” 

And it isn't a lie. Gellert had been very very fond of Albus’ letters about the Greater Good. He already burned the one he had half-finished writing on before the incident that separated them. Although if he had heard Albus merely calling him as a fan goodness knows what will happen. Probably storming into the castle with his followers and staging a war or something all to hostage Albus into taking the comment back. 

“Now then, the eggs look very lonely. Why don't we continue on with breakfast.”

It isn't the end of the matter but the day is simply too early for the rest of the staff to deal with one of their colleague's rather questionable love life. 

****

In the following week, more packages arrive. 

Right now the owls are hooting noisily as they make a beeline for the Hogwart's staff table. More and more of the phallus sweets -now a common sight to the general students and professors of Hogwarts appear on the table. Three owls deliver this morning’s parcel. 

The caretaker throughout the week has been having a heyday hexing trying to keep out the owls with the questionable packages but they always bypass the wards. Since none of the cock chocolates are cursed except a number of them have aphrodisiacs weaker than  _ amortentia  _ so their magic signature would be too weak to be kept out they couldn't be kept out. Or were disguised. Albus detected one which was laced with  _ amortentia  _ but had been disguised cleverly. 

As the eighth phallus shaped confection, this time a Drooble's Best Blowing-Bubble Gum with a note on the package saying  _ I know you like bubble gum very much. I had you in mind when I made this. Blow this to your heart's content _ landing on top of Headmaster Dippet's head, knocking out his hat, the man finally had enough, took his hat from the floor and turns to Albus.

The rest of the message reads: 

_ Even you will struggle to blow something of this size. _

_ How is school by the way? I imagine it to be quite dull. _

Oh no, he didn't. Did Albus need to remind him how Gellert had all but praised Albus' talent in that particular repertoire of his but that would be playing into Gellert's hands.

Feeling very much vindictive he writes back.

_ Thank you for the concern. I have found lately that life's pleasure can be found in teaching the youth.  _ _ The Hogwarts staff have been most welcoming and you need not worry about certain...skills which may have gone rusty. I assure you the staff has been very  _ _accommodating._

"Ahem," a voice calls out to him. 

“Dumbledore, are you sure you have everything under control?” Dippet asks. 

"Everything is fine, headmaster," Albus says as he gives his reply to the owl.  It is the same owl who delivered the first, third and fourth parcel. Now that it knew Dumbledore tended to bribe the owl with breakfast fare and grooming spells it was happy to see Albus again and hooted merrily while it ignores Headmister Dippet who doesn’t look very happy to see it. 

It didn't even pester Albus anymore in accepting the package while waiting for today's breakfast sausage to be hand fed to her personally by Albus. 

_Smart owl. I hope Gellert keeps using her_. Albus feeds her sausage and toast.

"You are spoiling that owl," comments the Divination professor because she knew rather than to comment on the very eye catching package on the table. If her colleague chooses to ignore the package and send it back she can also ignore it. Honestly, it's too early to have to deal with questionable ardent lovers.

The next package that comes is a chocolate fountain spelled to shoot out its content as soon as the recipient opens it. It blasts Albus with white chocolate, smearing his beard. 

Albus sighs. Now this is just juvenile. He casts a cleaning spell wandlessly to remove the mess. 

_ The fountain came as early as you did. There was even hardly any time to enjoy before the explosion. I hope you kept the receipt for a refund for damaged equipment.  _

Albus finishes the reply with relish but didn't let it show on his face. He didn't want his colleagues to get the misconception he was enjoying these exchanges with this person.

“If I cast a charm on you to keep your feathers water and snow repellent then can you promise me you'll drop this package to the Great Lake on your way out and deliver him this message?”

The owl hooted in acquiescence and clicked its beak at Albus' finger with affections before flying off to deliver the message and hopefully feed the rather crude chocolate to the great squid.

Albus sighs as he watched it's grey and white feather flap into the distance

Albus decides it’s time to put a stop to these deliveries and confront Gellert lest any more hogwart's students get more traumatized by their professor's presents in the shape of the cock of only Europe’s most wanted wizard.

****


End file.
